I Has A Kiosk
(but I'd rather you had it instead.)
Today was the first day but-still-a-whole-damn-week-early-thanks-Head-Office of the joy that is the Winter kiosk. Now if the past 2 years have taught us anything (and I do mean a collective "us", as you also get to revel in the life lessons Mel & I experience), it's that a little bit of love goes into the assemblage of every kiosk. This love is horribly overshadowed by the epic amounts of fail crammed into the rest of the kiosk.
Thus far, comparatively the sadomasochism is not quite up to usual standards, and for that I must confess to being incredibly relieved. The "all kiosk no power, phone or banking info" year was about as fun as watching Aeon Flux. Likewise, last year's "introduce troubled employee to Mr. Amazing Sales Associate Appreciate Pancake Maker" fun was inherently not fun. This year, it seems as if they're taking a new approach.
Everything except the electricity works, due mostly to whomever put it together was either drunk, deluded or was kidnapped by aliens midway through assemblage, rectal probed and then beamed back down to complete their work but was hampered by the shock of said probe. Our regular maintenace guy, Tom, will be in Wednesday to fix the mess...and probably swear under his breath at the idiots who half-assedly put it together, and at the heads at Head Office who are too cheap to hire someone competent enough to do it right the first time.
I adore Tom.
But yes, there is a lack of power right now, and an overabundance of fugly winterwear. Most of it left over from last year. I should know. I transferred most of it when the kiosk closed down. And Mel should know too: she watched enough people comment on how fugly those items were.
All of this pales in comparison to the remote possibility that the kiosk may try to kill us this year. Not with fire, as per last year. No, this time around it might be the metal frame that supports the curtain track and lights. It's not a good thing when you stare at a corner support beam only to notice it's really tilting to the left. It's also not a good thing when you walk to the other side of the kiosk, stare at the opposite support beam and notice it's really tilting to the right.
If the idiot(s) putting this thing together actually had a level with them, I'd vote they be beaten to death with it as appropriate punishment. That way it's both cruel and unusual. (Because, if
Hostel has taught us anything, it's that most killers go for the power tools or pointy things first.)
The kiosk hasn't been up for a day yet, and while I'm not ready to kill something yet, my body is really sore and very, very tired. 60ish boxes of stock and 12ish boxes of random supplies and shelving unites/braces/etc. does that. Not to mention my day off this week might get kaiboshed due to 2 employees both having a death in the family and leaving for the funeral.
And the season has only started.
I'm really holding out hope that my November & December months ease up, if not for social events and visitings, then at least to give me a day here or there to either clean the apartment or rest. However, there's a part-time gig I'm thinking might work out despite the inevitable schedule from hell...
http://www.durexcondomtester.ca/(You only wish I was joking about this. The ad was on the radio, which in turn led me to that.)
Today's Lesson: if they built it, they'll bork it up somewhere, somehow...usually almost everywhere.
Labels: I can has condom testing, the inherent untrustworthiness of a slanted kiosk
posted by Phillip at 7:48 PM
